When Communicating with Others - Don’t Forget about the Relationship

Human communication is a complicated process with many moving parts. It’s easy to get it wrong or not as precise as intended. Good communicators understand their message goes beyond merely the words they use. They know how to say things. They know when to say things. They know how to use analogies and other tools to share understanding. They recognize the importance of inspiring others to act. Good communicators realize they share their opinion of the relationship with those they are communicating with. Base your communication upon your audience, not yourself.

Communication is a complicated give and takes process. Sometimes it’s a two-way street. Other times, it’s a one-way street. As a communicator, you only have control of what and how you project your message. The other variable in the equation you have no power over is the way the recipient receives your information. The audience hears not only what is said, but what you do not say. They pick up on the more delicate points of inflection, pace, and volume of your voice. They absorb the subtext of what is said, how you say it, and when you say it. They also filter what they hear with their attitudes, mindsets. These attitudes develop from their past experiences, their baggage, with the speaker.

In life and business, our relationships are vital to any endeavor. Healthy relationships are needed to continue to maintain or initiate change in any organization. The continuous flow of information is key to keeping those relationships. If you want to disrupt or corrupt any relationship, be a poor communicator - provide unreliable information.

As a leader and communicator, you must recognize the attitude, the baggage, the filters, your audience will use to receive your information. Be cognizant of their baggage. Craft your words so that the meaning of your message makes it through their filter. This will take planning and crafting. To help you with that, create a checklist to help you craft your message.

Use a Checklist to Help You Prepare

1. Begin with the mission and purpose. What is it you are trying to accomplish with your message? Is it to inspire? To educate? To inform? To convince? That’s your mission. Next, identify what your purpose is. What is the benefit you what for your audience? For them to take action? To gain understanding? To accept a new change? This first step is essential as you will craft your message based on the what and why of your message. It will help you focus on the relationship you have with the audience. It will ensure you craft your message to send out how you value the relationship.
2. Identify the problems. Effective communicators don’t just talk to be talking. They have specific issues, problems; they are trying to solve. Take some time to write out what challenges your audience is facing. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their perspectives. Empathize with the audience, and you will be well on your way to communicating the value you place on the relationship.
3. Take care of the baggage. Baggage will be the biggest hurdle to overcome for any communicator. What are the problems that might prevent the audience from “hearing” or accepting your message? What baggage might they be carrying around with them? Baggage represents their past experiences and interactions that shape their attitudes. It’s the filter through which they will hear your message. To overcome their baggage filter, ask yourself, “What past experiences have my audience had? How have past messages been received? How have past messages been delivered?” How have your past actions and words contributed to their baggage, their communication filters, their attitudes? Admit and own up to what you are responsible for.
4. Identify the information your audience must receive. In your communication, set out the information you want your audience to possess. Establish a plan of action for the recipient to take. Have some suggestions or actions you want them to make. By the time you get to this point in your communication, you will have already stated your focus and level of concern for the relationship, your empathy, and understanding of their problems recognized their baggage, and have a solution for their problems. If you craft your message in this way, you increase the chances your audience will warming receive your message and taking the necessary action.

Follow this simple checklist as you prepare to communicate with others. Remember, your message will convey not only your information but your thoughts and opinions on your relationship with the recipient. If you build your message using the checklist, you’ll ensure you catch the essence and importance you place on your connection with the audience. You’ll be able to craft and control your message and adjust it to your audience, making sure your message gets through their filters. Craft your message using this checklist, and you increase the chances your audience will warmly receive your message.