Emotions Are Dangerous in a Negotiation

Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate. - John F Kennedy

Negotiations are stressful. They’re challenging, and you might frequently feel as if you have been backed into a corner. Like any other creature that might feel trapped, we get emotional. Emotions can lead to behaviors and thoughts that can harm our interests. Many times we are not even aware of our feelings while at the negotiating table.

Emotions are natural, and most of the time they can help protect us, but in negotiations, they frequently hurt us. The two most dangerous emotions we experience at the negotiation table are fear and greed. Both come from a fixed mindset and focus our attention on ourselves and our needs. A skilled negotiator will pick up on our emotions much like an experienced poker player can read other players “tells.” Therefore, we must control our emotions or rather how we display our emotions. Honestly, that is easier said than done.

Be Aware to Beware

For us to control something, we must first be aware of it. We must take time and energy to focus on our emotions, our feelings. Recognize what is going on inside of your head and heart while you negotiate. You should be willing and able, to be honest with yourself and take a hard look at what you are feeling.  It all starts with your mindset. 

Mindset

If you look up the definition of mindset, it is “a person's attitude or set of opinions about something.” If you look up attitude, you will find “the way you think and feel about someone or something.” Therefore, your mindset is how you think or feel about something. It is how you think and feel about the negotiation, the adversary, the terms of the agreement, your wants, and their needs. What is your initial gut reaction when you hear the word “negotiation” or “contract talks”? If it is negative or has a touch of fear, then you probably have the wrong mindset. Having the proper mindset during the negotiation process will yield successes for you.

Types of Mindsets

There are two basic types of mindset, a fixed and a growth mindset. The fixed mindset is one that believes things are fixed, is focused on ourselves and our needs, and may be said to be pessimistic. They believe “either you have or you don’t.” The growth mindset believes there is room for improvement in all things, allows us to focus on the needs of others, and is usually more optimistic. The fixed mindset isn’t so much the opposite of a growth mindset, but rather the absence of it.

In negotiations, I encourage my clients to hold a growth mindset. The growth mindset recognizes they don’t have all of the answers or knowledge. They acknowledge their shortcomings and are much less likely to walk into a negation with assumptions and expectations. The growth mindset also allows you to stay focused on the needs of the other side rather than our own. By being focused on their needs, you are better able to discover the real problems they are facing and how you may best solve them. 

If you don’t have a growth mindset, don’t worry. Your mindset can change. An effective method to change your mindset is using a proven system to help you improve. Systems work to provide guidance in decision making particularly in stressful events. Consider the pilot, they use a system, a checklist, to help them quickly work through critical incidents. For example, with an engine out situation, the pilot immediately refers to their checklist and begins to work through it. It provides a framework for his decision making. In healthcare, physicians and nurses use Advanced Cardiac Life Support (ACLS) in the same way. It is a system we use in the stressful situation of cardiac arrest.  ACLS works to keep us grounded in our thinking and remain calm. It helps us in effective decision making and keep our emotions at bay. 

When you are negotiating, you need to have a system as well. Something that will guide your thinking and allow you to reduce your emotions during stressful events. Using a system is critical when facing an adversary who is intent on using PICOS or Supply Chain Optimization tactics with you. They intend to drive up your emotions, especially fear. They will use words such as “be a good partner,” “we can just find someone else to do this,” “we will go over your head, to your partners..”, etc. They will attempt to commoditize you and your services. Having a system in place that grounds your decision making is the best defense against such an adversary.

Get Help if You Need It

If you are in a negotiation right now or preparing for one, what system are you using to ensure your emotions are under control? What tools do you have that will keep you grounded in solid decision making? Develop a structured approach and system. If you don’t have a system, I have one that has never let me down. I learned it from my mentor and would enjoy sharing it with you. If you’re interested in learning more, reach out to me today.