Behaviors You Need while Negotiating

The outcome of any negotiation is in part the result of the behaviors we display at the negotiating table. Our behaviors can reveal information about what we are thinking and feeling. The most dangerous behaviors are those that indicate we feel fear. Those behaviors weaken our position and betray us at the negotiation table. To improve your results at the negotiation table, use practice and implement these behaviors and you’ll witness the results your negotiations improving over time.

No talking. When you’re asked a question, answer the question as succinctly as possible and then stop talking. Get comfortable with dead air. Silence can be uncomfortable for some people. When they become uncomfortable, they will fill the space with words. Don’t do that. Let them do that. Always be friendly and engaging, but be careful what and how you give answers and share information. Avoid planning your response to them. Take your time and listen to what it is they are saying. 

Don’t answer the unasked question. Often during a negotiation, the adversary will make a statement, and it seems like they are leading to a question, but they don’t ask one. If you’ve walked into the event with a fixed mindset, full of assumptions, you will be tempted to think you know what it is they are about to ask. This is a dangerous situation because you might provide information that will weaken your position. Remember, no assumptions or expectations are allowed in a professional negotiation. Answering the unasked questions violates that rule.

Be Silent. Being silent doesn’t just mean not speaking. It goes beyond that to include shutting off that little voice in your head. Most people self-talk, and it’s tempting to formulate a response to a statement before the statement is finished, because we are driven to feel important by having a quick and speedy response. We think it will make us look smart, confident, and capable. However, doing just the opposite will create a more thoughtful image in the adversary's mind. How do you feel when you’re in a conversation with someone who has a response immediately after you’ve made a point? Do you feel they are really listening to what you’re saying? That’s probably how the adversary feels about you when you are not completely silent.

Have steady emotions. It’s normal to feel emotions during a negotiation. You’re only human, and it will happen. What you want to do is to have the image of being steady in your emotions. Don’t show anger, joy, sadness, or another emotion. Always be calm and collected in your poise and responses. Have an even keel and don’t let the adversary see what you’re feeling.

Be less okay. How do you feel when you’re around who seems perfect? Do you enjoy their company? Being less okay isn’t about you but rather the adversary. Do what you can to put the other at ease and feel okay. Avoid acting like you’re perfect. Let the adversary see you’re human. Ask to borrow a pen or make a little mistake that is easy for them to see and correct or point out. Their actions of helping you will make them feel better about themselves. If you’re dealing with an arrogant individual, these little actions will confirm their superiority. One thing superior people do is reinforce that feeling with others. Often they will share information only they have as an effort to confirm their superiority. They might even share information they wouldn’t share otherwise. The wise negotiator knows the only person must feel okay isn’t them, it’s the adversary.

3+ their yeses. This is a powerful tool in a negotiation. When you receive a yes from the other side, ask questions around that yes in a variety of manners. Ask the questions, each differently, to determine if their yes actually is a yes. There are three types of yeses, confirmation, commitment, and counterfeit. A confirmation yes merely confirms a statement or data. A commitment yes what we want and shows they are committed to the deal. A counterfeit yes is a false yes they give us because they either don’t feel comfortable saying no or they intend to build our hopes with the yes only to increase our fear when they later say no. Another benefit of 3+’ing a yes is that it confirms in their mind they are comfortable with the decision and will go a long ways towards reducing their buyer’s remorse.

Blank slate. An effective negotiator works with facts and data, but assumptions and expectations. Before you walk into a negotiation, blank slate your mind. You can confirm data and facts you have, but avoid holding assumptions and expectations, either positive or negative. The keys to blank slating are doing your research and having a growth mindset.

Take great notes. Perhaps the best method to help you be silent is to take great handwritten notes. Handwritten notes will help you silence the little voice in your as your brain works to process the words they say into something you tell your hand to write down on the sheet of paper. It will make you focus on what they are saying. These notes will also serve as a record of what was discussed and decided at the event.