Avoid Making Assumptions When You’re the Leader

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend about some very controversial issues facing our business. At the end of our of coffee, he said he started the conversation planning on dismissing everything I was about to say. He assumed he knew what I was going to say and the reasons behind my statements. He was asking me for advice, but rather than preparing to listen; he was spending time making his rebuttal and prove his point. I could tell his defenses were up and it would be fruitless to argue with him point by point. Instead, I helped him see the situation differently by asking questions. He said he caught himself holding an assumption about me and the situation when I asked a specific question he hadn’t expect. It jarred him, woke him up if you will.

Too often in life, in leadership, and in negotiations, we assume we have all the knowledge and information available or needed. Many times we don’t listen to the other side or anyone else because we’ve convinced ourselves of our preeminence. Instead of listening, we are waiting for them to stop talking so we can talk and prove our point.

To be an effective leader or negotiator, you must truly listen to what the other side is saying. Listening means using your ears, not your mouth. It means you aren’t thinking about a rebuttal; rather you are thinking about and processing about what is being said by the other person.

Try this exercise for a moment. Think back to the last time you were talking with someone, and they immediately had a response or answer for any point you made. It was so fast; you thought to yourself “Are they even listening?” Deep down you felt they could not have heard what I was saying and come up with an answer that fast. You walk away feeling angry, disappointed, and brushed off or belittled by them. Guess what, the other side, your employees, and co-workers will feel the same way if you treat them this way. How motivated were you to help the people who didn’t listen to you? That’s probably how motivated others are to help you when you listen to and act upon your assumptions.

What’s the Source of Our Assumptions?

Assumptions probably begin with the way we learn new things as humans. We take something known, something that we have learned, and apply it to something that is similar yet unknown. The result is an assumption. It’s like thinking if you can water ski you don’t need any lessons on snow skiing. Or you play basketball or volleyball because you know how to play soccer. They all have round balls so what’s the big deal right?

The source of our assumptions is our mindset. There are two types of mindsets, fixed and growth. Assumptions originate in our fixed mindset. This mindset says we know all there is to know about something, and once we believe we know everything, we begin to assign our values to other peoples motives, their abilities, what knowledge they possess or should possess. We wrap these variables together into one big assumption about someone, someplace, or something. A growth mindset holds that we don’t know everything and there may very well be a gap in our knowledge. To fill that gap, the leader with a growth mindset drops their assumptions and confirms their knowledge.

How to Stop Your Own Assumptions

1. Have an open mind. We all make decisions based on what we know. An assumption is a decision we have made based upon our knowledge. However, how frequently do we ask if our knowledge is correct? Is it up to date? Is it complete? The very first step to overcoming your assumptions is to look inward. Possessing a growth mindset is the very first step in warding off your assumptions.
2. Ask Good Questions. Asking good questions will help you overcome your assumptions. One key component of asking good questions is using open-ended questions instead of verb-led questions. Verb-led questions begin with a verb such as should, could, do, can, and is. Instead ask questions that begin with who, what, when, where, and why. Ask these questions of yourself and of the other side. And after you ask a question, listen to their answer. By focusing on crafting questions, rather than rebuttals, you’ll be more open to receiving information that you don’t possess.
3. Have a System to Help You. One of the greatest tools I ever learned came from a mentor of mine, Jim Camp. He taught me to use a checklist, similar to what pilots do. I use this checklist in every engagement and decision. It helps to make certain I’ve not forgotten anything during my decision-making process. It also helps me respond to others rather than reacting to others. That is key in leadership and negotiations. Respond to others rather than react to them. Reactions are emotional whereas responses are based on our values, our mission and purpose and our desire to accomplish it. Using a systematic approach to your leadership will help you stay grounded and focused so you can respond and not react.

Next week, I will discuss methods that will help you overcome the assumptions other people hold of you.